Something happened last week that has been heavy on my mind. I was at the doctors office and the "nurse" who was helping me was very nice. She asked me all the right questions, etc. and when I mentioned my CFS and fibro, she said, "Oh, I have that too. But I refuse to let it destroy my life. I just push through it and take meds for the pain. I get really tired, but just move on." And she left the room.
I was sitting there with my thoughts swirling a million miles an hour. Why can't I do that? Why is she different? What is wrong with me? Am I lazy? Have I given up? Do I give into my symptoms too easily?
It's been haunting me all week. I felt as though I'd been slapped in the face. That my illness was an excuse. That I could be well if I just wanted to be. And my doc has the same attitude I do believe. (Yes, I'm looking for a new one).
Where does that leave me? Why are some of us so ill and others able to function "normally" with it? Do I just need to push harder? Pretend that I am not ill? Pretend that I can? I have done that and it has always led to a severe crash. Sometimes lasting years.
I'm not feeling sorry for myself. I am just confused. I want to be well. I desire to be well. I have black berries, plums, and tomatoes to pick. I watch them ripen and fall to the ground. Others wonder why I didnt plant a big garden this year? Well, I couldnt. And in the past, my daughter and family were here to do most of hte work. They have moved and that is no longer a possiblility. People say things like "if I had all that space, I would plant a big garden". Well, come on over and do it. Gardens are a lot of work. I love fresh produce, but am simply not able to get it on my own most of the time. Once in a while I can pick a few berries or get a few tomatoes off the vines.
How do you handle these kinds of situations? I'm feeling very fragile right now. My hubby is not very well, and my brother needs a heart transplant. We are still waiting to hear about the road/bridge project that may impact our home, and yes, I'm stressed out. I KNOW GOD will take care of us, its just the getting there that has me wondering... can I keep up my strength long enough to get thru this all? I have set priorities and have let so many other things go over the years. A clean house means huge set backs. So... its dusty and the floor needs scrubbed. But I talked with family on the phone, hugged my gkids, and pray, pray pray!
Thanks for listening.
God bless,
Elaine
I was sitting there with my thoughts swirling a million miles an hour. Why can't I do that? Why is she different? What is wrong with me? Am I lazy? Have I given up? Do I give into my symptoms too easily?
It's been haunting me all week. I felt as though I'd been slapped in the face. That my illness was an excuse. That I could be well if I just wanted to be. And my doc has the same attitude I do believe. (Yes, I'm looking for a new one).
Where does that leave me? Why are some of us so ill and others able to function "normally" with it? Do I just need to push harder? Pretend that I am not ill? Pretend that I can? I have done that and it has always led to a severe crash. Sometimes lasting years.
I'm not feeling sorry for myself. I am just confused. I want to be well. I desire to be well. I have black berries, plums, and tomatoes to pick. I watch them ripen and fall to the ground. Others wonder why I didnt plant a big garden this year? Well, I couldnt. And in the past, my daughter and family were here to do most of hte work. They have moved and that is no longer a possiblility. People say things like "if I had all that space, I would plant a big garden". Well, come on over and do it. Gardens are a lot of work. I love fresh produce, but am simply not able to get it on my own most of the time. Once in a while I can pick a few berries or get a few tomatoes off the vines.
How do you handle these kinds of situations? I'm feeling very fragile right now. My hubby is not very well, and my brother needs a heart transplant. We are still waiting to hear about the road/bridge project that may impact our home, and yes, I'm stressed out. I KNOW GOD will take care of us, its just the getting there that has me wondering... can I keep up my strength long enough to get thru this all? I have set priorities and have let so many other things go over the years. A clean house means huge set backs. So... its dusty and the floor needs scrubbed. But I talked with family on the phone, hugged my gkids, and pray, pray pray!
Thanks for listening.
God bless,
Elaine
