A Wild Week

This has been one of those weeks one would not like to repeat.  A week ago today my husband Rob had his cardiac test results apt.  He had flunked his tests.  He will have an angiogram tomorrow and they expect to do bi pass surgery.  His blockages are front and back and top and bottom according to the stress test.  He's not quite 54. 

My oldest brother who had a massive heart attack 10 years ago is facing heart failure now.  They are on their way from MT to Salt Lake for an evaluation for a transplant.  His testing starts tomorrow also. 

A great niece whom we almost adopted about 8 years ago has been placed in a psyc hospital.  She and her sister are being raised by their gma.  The courts decided that she was a better fit for the girls and she was a closer relative..... We were so disappointed and hurt for the girls.  Their lives have been so hard.  But with my health, I am sure it was better for us.  But not for them:(

My surgeon had to have surgery himself so my knee replacement wont be until December sometime... poor guy!

But some great things happened too.  We were able to visit our friend who had a brain tumor removed a month ago.  He's struggling but is in recovery.  Still praying for him. 

And yesterday was the best day of the week!  We rode with our other two kids and gkids two hours away to visit our youngest son and family.  Their little boy will be two tomorrow.  So we had a big BD party and visited and had a fantastic day!!!!!!! 

On the way home we were close enough to one of the forest fires to see the flames and the helicopters.  One of the campgrounds that we used to serve was evacuated day before yesterday and the road closed!  It was incredible and terrifying all at the same time.  In the 4 years we were in the woods, we only had one tiny fire that close and it was put out quickly. 

It's hot here now.  we aer in the 90's daily and may hit 100's later this week.  First week of school too.  Poor kids!  Most of our schools don't have AC at all. 

I would appreciate good thoughts and prayers sent our way if you would.  Things are so overwhelming right now.  But I know God is in control and am doing my best to trust in HIM! 

Blessings to you all,
Elaine

Is stress contagious?

Lately I've been wondering about stress.  I seem to suffer from it and when things get really busy, I find myself grinding my teeth, tensing up, not sleeping well, etc.....

For example:  Our daughter and SIL and family have purchased a new home.  They needed to do some remodeling and as the deadline for them to be out of the current home approaches (Aug 1st), I find myself getting caught up in all of the action.  I so want to help and am trying my best to do so.  Mostly I'm caring for their children as they are feeling the stress of the move.  (They currently live next door to us and always have). 

The remodel is behind schedule and my daughter is feeling the stress.  She has worked so very hard all summer on it.  The mom in me wants to make it all better by shouldering some of the load.  I tried---- it backfired:(  as always.

But here I am.  Stressed because I can't "do", stressed because I did "do" and am in much more pain and fatigue, stressed because my hubby is trying hard to help too and it causes him pain and emotional stress.... and on and on.

So, I'm wondering what you do when stressed?  Especially when you can't remove the thing that is causing it?  (the move)  Living with someone who has severe depression.... trying to show all the gkids the same attention.... etc...
It was horse fair time too, so two trips to the fair to watch the oldest gson. 


Any suggestions you could offer would be greatly appreciated!

Hope your day is going well.

Blessings to you all,
Elaine

Is it spring yet or hold onto that thought!

Another wet, cool day here.  I am so very tired of this weather, but when I complain, I only have to think of those who have lost everything with the tornadoes, floods, fires, earthquakes, volcanoes..... and I am humbled and know that a little rain and cool temps won't hurt me at all.  So, I will stop complaining about the weather!

My little pots of flowers and veggies are coming along nicely.  The peas are up and the tomatoes are doing well.  Many of the containers of flowers are doing very well too.  Some didn't come up at all, but then I was using old seeds...

I have been fighting severe anxiety lately.  I KNOW I need to trust and rest in Jesus, but for some reason, I've just not been able to do it.  I am trying so hard. 

I think it may be that there are so many things going on right now.  Things that are totally out of my control.  It appears that the state is finally moving on the bridge project and they set out markers yesterday.  The temporary easement is 18 feet from our house.  The permanent one is about 22 feet.  They will take ALL the trees and hedge out in front (facing the road) (a state hwy-very busy) and we will be like sitting ducks for all to view.  I am very distressed about this.  We will also loose all our shade trees.  The safety issue bothers me greatly.  We have had several fatal accidents in front of and near our home and with no trees, they will be in our house.  My brother is coming in June and we will all have a meeting with the state to start negotiations with them.  Nothing is in stone yet.  We were hoping that they would buy us out rather than leave us just feet from the work zone (two years  of noise and activity).  I am not sure either one of us can handle it.  Noise is not a good thing for either of us.  Please pray for us.

I hurt my arm earlier this month and it is healing slowly.  The doc thinks I strained a muscle.  It's been very painful.

I am going to have my knee replacement sometime this summer.  It has gotten to the point of no return. 

I've been fighting the fatigue and more pain as of late.  I am pushing to do some of the things I value and of course I am paying for it, but its worth it.  I went to the school for grandparents day and had a wonderful time.  We have been watching gkids often and carting them to activities too.  This is such a busy time for all the adults with school grinding to an end.  We have three birthdays in May.  (grand kids)  The ballet recital is coming up as is the music recital.  I try to attend them. 

I did have a wonderful visit with my counselor and she helped me put things into perspective.  She is a fantastic Christian woman.

As you can tell from this post, part of my trouble is that I can't keep a thought long enough to do anything with it...

I've been having fun watching the birds and squirrels in our yard.

And I'm doing my very best to rest in the arms of Jesus and allow Him to take my burdens and hold them for me. 

Blessings to you all,
Elaine

Seeking

What is it about this time of year that makes me so restless?  I am looking forward to spring, but wishing for snow.  It's very warm for this time of year and already trees and plants are starting to bud out.  I am hoping they don't get their little noses chopped off with a hard freeze later... it was 60 degrees day before yesterday and 55 yesterday.  But it was 35 last night.

I wonder if some of the restlessness is coming from memories?  My husband, Rob's, dad died a year ago on Valentine's day.  We had cared for him for 1 1/2 years.  We lived at his house for about a year and then he moved in with us and died here at home.  We had wonderful help from Hospice and could never have done it without them.  I miss him.  And I worry about Rob and his memories.  Will they trigger an increase of his bi-polar depression?  It's so hard to cope with it.  There is so little I can do to help him.  He's already nervous about his surgery on the 2nd for a torn rotator cuff. 


We are cooking and freezing meals ahead so they stress of preparing food will be less for me.  He does most of the cooking, but will be unable to for a while after surgery.  We have to make most of our own food from scratch anyway, so its good to have some ahead.  We make some really great white chili.  We are also making red chili, taco filling, and spaghetti sauce.  It all freezes well.  We do eat lots of legumes:)  We both enjoy them.

I have found that with the increased stress, I'm sleeping less.  I am tired, but wake and can't go back to sleep.  I'm having more trouble going to sleep also.  I am trying very hard to pace myself and rest often.  The underlying anxiety is still there though... I'm crabby and have a hard time being kind.  Ergggg... And I seem to be continually searching, seeking, looking for something that I can't seem to put my hands on.  

So, I go back.  Back to where I know I'm safe and loved.  Back to Jesus who loves me and helps me.  I hold onto Him and in turn, He holds onto me.  It's a wonderful place to be.  Safe in the arms of Jesus.

He has led me to you all and what a blessing that is!  Thank you for sharing your lives with others and in doing so, blessing so many.  I gain strength,   knowledge, and hope from your words. 

Blessings to you all,
Elaine