Just a note

Hi to you all.  I so appreciate all your loving thoughts and prayers.  I am doing better and being much kinder to myself these days.

My brother is still not doing very well and we are going to go see him in a couple of weeks.  Yes, the trip will be hard, but I must do this.  I may not have another chance. 

I may have to have my knee redone.  It is not healing properly.  We will decide after the trip.

I also don't have Internet at home anymore so am only on some of the time when I "go" somewhere they have it. 

I will read your blogs as I am able!!

Blessings to you all and thanks so much for being there for me!

Elaine

Still hoping in the Midst

Happy Saturday to you.  We are finally out of the cold and rain here.  That should help us all to feel a bit better.

These past weeks (months) have been increasingly difficult for me.  The emotional stress of so many things are wreaking havoc with me.  We have no news on the property, which means we have no news about moving.  DH's bi-polar has been worse.  My brother is not recovering as we had all hoped. (Back in the hospital as I write this).  Gaining weight. My new knee is still not doing what it is supposed to .... and the list goes on and on.

I'm not trying to get sympathy.  I just decided to be honest.  My pain is bad.  My emotional state is worse.  DH and I are really not able to help each other much and that makes things worse. 

I've realized I was trying to live as if I were "well" again.  I have pushed, pulled, prodded, and pushed again so hard that my body is rebelling.  I'm down to about one thing a week for activity.  Phone calls are wearing me out.  I called my son last night and found I had nothing to talk about.  My life feels very empty right now.

I know I have many things to be thankful for and I do thank God daily for all His blessings.  It just doesn't seem to make me feel any better. 

I wake with hope and then I put one foot down and the other and the day has begun.  Exhaustion sets in and I'm done before I ever get started. 

Eating is a challenge as I have so little energy.  I want all soft food.  I have no energy to cook and neither does hubby.  Chewing is work these days. 

I start to do something and sometimes I don't even make it out of the chair before I'm too tired to manage to accomplish anything.  I know it sounds like I'm very depressed and honestly I'm just so tired.  Too tired to function.  The fatigue has always been worse than the pain for me.  I hurt, but the fatigue weighs me down so badly.

I've not felt this badly in quite some time.  That emotional spiral downward is terrible.  It takes such a toll on a person.  It plays games with you and tries to make you give up.

Well, I wont'.  I am as sick as I've been in such a long time, but I refuse to give up.  I will continue to smile as often as possible, take steps to improve, and learn to be much kinder to myself in this process.  I have begun hating who I am again and I must stop that.  I must be nice to me!  It does no good to dislike myself.  And it doesn't help anyone else either. 

I will still look for the hope in the midst.  In the midst of life.  We ALL have so many struggles.  I am not unique in that area.  I choose life.  I choose to live.  Right now I have to  take it very easy and be kind to me and my DH.  I choose to continue to trust God and know that even when I can't see or hear HIM, HE is with me.

That is where my hope comes from. 

So happy to have you all in my "midst"

Blessings,
Elaine

A little static anyone?

Happy Saturday to you all today.  I've been thinking about something for a couple of days now... I'll be curious as to what you all think too.
    On Thursday we had a wind storm that knocked out our power for several hours.  When it went off, I immediately felt more at ease.  The quiet was wonderful.  I had so much less tension that I was actually smiling at the window as I watched the wind, rain, hail, and clouds. 
     Then I remembered how much calmer I was overall when my husband worked for a Recreational company and he took care of campgrounds.  We lived in one for three summers.  No electricity, but we did have water:)  Some of the time anyway.  He had to pump our septic water to the toilet about once a week.  Showers were a quick affair as 10 gallons of hot water goes away very fast.
     I loved it.  I walked a lot (I was much better then), and my favorite times were meeting all the wonderful people who passed our way, and picking up garbage in the campsites.  We had to pick up things small and large.  I used the "picker" and did the small stuff.  It was my time to relax, pray, think, and simply enjoy the world around me.  We were in a National Forest with fast running streams, dense woods, and waterfalls.  In fact the waterfall was so close to our campsite that it took some getting used to each summer.  The noise was loud:)  It seldom bothered me. 
     It was not perfect.  We were often without clean running water and some of our guests were not very nice folks.  The campground was robbed (the money box) and there were often folks who tried their best to be obnoxious:)  Some succeeded very nicely:)  We had constant worry about the fire situation, but never had one that required our evacuation.  I prayed a LOT about that.....
     We were together constantly as I did not like being in the campground alone.  Ours was very busy about 5 days a week, but often the other two-sometimes 3 days were slow and we were often empty.  I rode with him to all the campgrounds he covered and helped when I could.  I was often the peace maker :):):) 
     But to get back to the real point.  My pain, fatigue, brain fog, and everything was so much better there.  I had real pain from moving about, but the everyday symptoms were so much better.  I have read several times where electricity does affect some individuals.  I guess I may well be one of them. Have you ever heard of such a thing? 
     In the winter we lived in an RV Park and had electricity.  My static was so bad that I actually shorted out a hand held phone one day!  I picked it up and it blew right out of my hand!  Amazing.  I used dryer sheets in my shoes, fabric softener, and anything else I could do to combat it.  I'd kind of forgotten about all this living here at home and having so many things going on in the past few years.
     Do any of you notice any difference since getting sick with electricity?  I noticed that the noise of the fridge, etc really gets to me too.... In the RV on propane it makes no sound except to click on and off as it cycles...
     Sound crazy?  Maybe.  I'm about ready to pack it up and give it another try:)  We have friends who live off the grid both winter and summer in their RV.  They love it and are very healthy.  They do campgrounds in the summer and boondock in the winter.  Hmmmm sounding better to me all the time.

Blessings to you all and thanks for letting me rant today:)

Elaine

A Week of Lots of Info

HI again:)  A friend of a friend  thought she had fibro/CFS for years and years.... longer than me and she's young....

Well just recently the specialists found she has Lyme Disease.  And even more recently the specialists found she has "Common Variable Immune Deficiency".  She is being treated for it and is starting to feel better.  Her sons both have Lyme and the Immune Deficiency condition also.

I've never heard of this.  Have you?  Any info you could share would be appreciated. 

Blessings,
Elaine

A New Treatment For Fibro/CFS?

Hi everyone, my daughter in law ran across this article and sent it to me.  I had not heard of this treatment before.  Are any of you familiar with it?  Just wanted to share as I know we are ALL, always looking.......

http://salemhealth.org/home.php#!pain.story_8

I may call my doc and see what she thinks.  Certainly worth a try!  Wondering if INS covers it???? 

Blessings,
Elaine

I will try again.

Good Saturday to you all.  Hope you are having a great day wherever you might be today!

I came across this quote in my daily devotional a few days ago.  I was struck with how much it spoke to me and my life. 

“Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet
voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow.”
― Mary Anne Radmacher

 

How many times have I felt that way?  Have you?  We keep on trying because we believe there is hope.  We believe there is more.  We believe we can!  We believe.

 

I hope and pray you will find courage today my friends.  Courage to try again.  Courage to keep trying even though it seems there is everything against you this day, this week, this time.

 

I will try again.  What beautiful words. 

 

The devotional ended with the words "Even for those who trust God, sometimes just showing up is a victory."

 

I can relate to that so much!

 

Praying we will all "show up",

 

Elaine

 

 

A day to share

I so wish you could see what I'm looking at right now.  Our sliding glass door is open and since the dogs ruined the screen last year, there isn't one on it.  Our little dog is sitting just inside the doorway and he's watching the birds come and go on the feeders.  They are only about 8-10 feet outside the door themselves.  The birds aren't afraid of him at all and he's sitting so very still.  He has no plans to chase them like our big dog does.  I'd take a pix, but hubby's camera is so heavy I cant do it:(  The grass is growing so fast you can almost hear it.  The tiny daisys are up and blooming in the grass.  I love them.  They have been here all my life. 

Farm equipment and cars and trucks are driving by, but not yet rush hour, so not too much traffic yet.  The electric company that is moving poles (for the new bridge and roadway) have gone home for the day, so that particular noise is gone.  They were stopping traffic in front of our home most of the day today.  Interesting noises:)

I'd like to share a quote with you that came from an author I read.  It spoke so clearly to me that it nearly made me jump when I read it the first time. 

Nancy Rue

Bishop Hee-Soo Jung (Methodist, Chicago) says we need to 'Curl up under the powerful grace of God' rather than strive for what we can do. It sounds like a kind of wonderful Divine nap we all need to take, you think? .

Nancy posted it on FB and I asked to be sure I could share it.  I know public domain and all, but didn't want to quote the Bishop without asking. 

So many days I find myself fighting against what is.  This life I have is real and it is what it is.  Yes, I can do many things to stay as healthy as possible.  I do my best.  But oh the days of wanting more.  Wanting what I've lost and having what I don't.  Looking to those who "can" and being jealous and angry at times.  I also heard Joyce Meyers last night and she spoke to doing what we can.  Not what others can.  That rang very true to me too.  Doing what we can is worship and a blessing.  Trying to do what others are called to do is not.  I can't memorize scripture.  I love to sing, but stand back:)  I do make a joyful noise to the Lord!  I can't jump on a plane and fly to be with my brother.  My siblings can.  I can't exercise like the surgeon wants me to.  I CAN however, love with my whole heart.  Pray, encourage, and just be.  (Most of the time).  Some days, I can just be while in bed---resting, waiting, and knowing that God is in control.  I so often don't have the energy to do any more than that.  So, in Jesus, that is enough.  I am enough with HIM. 

I still struggle with what I'm "called to do or be", but am getting better at being present where I am right now and doing all I can at the moment.  Sometimes it is thinking of each of the people who are in my life.  Or praying for those I hear about who need prayers.  Sometimes its' laying very still and taking one breath after another. 

Curled up under the Grace of God.  That is indeed a very good place to be!

Hope and pray you all have time today to do just that!

Love and Blessings,
Elaine

Clarification:)

I'd forgottent to post about the growth.... I had a growth in my bladder which was causing some other problems... doc trimmed it out (amazing to watch)!  Sent it off and it was benign!!!!  Sorry for the confusion... seems to be helping the other problems too now that its gone:)

Blessings,
Elaine

Good news----Life

Good morning to you.  Hope and pray you are having a wonderful day today.

I got my biopsy back and its benign!!!!  Praising God for that!  Doc says that if I have no more symptoms I don't need to see him for a year:):):)  Glad to have that out of the way and not worry about it any more!!

My knee is still giving me trouble but am continuing to work with PT and do my best to follow the instructions.  I get soooooo tired tho.... It's about all I can do to move about some days let alone ride the recumbent bike.....

The state has begun the work on the new bridge.  I will try to post some pix here to show you what it looked like before and after the work so far.  The phone company has moved some of the lines and the noise from the tree removal service nearly drove me crazy.  They were literally less than 20 feet from the front of our house.  The road will be about 8 feet closer to us than it is now.  Within the legal limits, but certainly not within the "moral" limits.  The State actually had to get a waver from the County to do this work so close to our house.  No one asked me what I thought about it:( 

 

We may have to leave once the real work starts.  They will be working long days and there will be much noise and dirt, etc..... We still have our travel trailer (we've been unable to sell it with the economy down) so we might just have to "take a trip". We can park at our kids' and we may just do that:)  We are planning to move as the house will be so close to the road and the tree barrier is gone.  I feel like an animal in a cage.....

You can see the before pix with the mobile home and the after.  They actually took a few more trees and shrubs than in that pix.  And yes, the mobile home needs a paint job:) 

The big house is the house I grew up in.  My parents had a dairy farm and this is the farm house.  The trees offered shade and protection from the roadway and noise.... All gone now.  The pix are reversed as that is the order they were taken in and I can't figure out how to undo it.

The plan is to raise the roadway about 4-5 feet in front of the mobile (my house) and so the road will be level with us:(  Already the noise and dirt is much worse than before and its still raining.  I can't imagine what summer will bring.

Prayers would be appreciated as we have no idea what we will do.  The family trust owns the land and it is to be sold, so we will have to move.  As I said before, I have no desire to live on the roadway.  It was bad enough before.

So, I'm trying to stay positive.  I'm trying to trust God.  I'm trying to sort and pack.... I'm trying! 

God Bless You All!

I so appreciate having found you!

Elaine

Moving along

Hello everyone.  Hope this day finds you happy and as well as you can be.

I'm finally coming out of a bad flare up and a huge set back with my new knee.  I was doing wonderfully until early Feb. and then my knee went nuts.  Severe pain, swelling,no relief to be had.... all the tests look ok..... the Dr. has been wonderful and has seen me thru all this as well as my PT gal.  She has helped me greatly.  I had to stop PT for several weeks to let the pain and swelling ease up and it finally is!  Praise God!  We have a recumbent bike we are borrowing from my brother and it is helping a lot.  Very little pain with it. And with little resistance, not hard on the rest of my either:)

I've spent the past many weeks doing a lot of TV watching and reading as I can.  We watch lots of old reruns and some of the new shows too.  I like the original NCIS, Unforgettable, The Mentalist, and Harry's Law.  We just rented the newest (to us at least) Jessie Stone movie, "Lost Innocence" and enjoyed it too. We really like those movies.  We watch Blue Bloods too.... We don't have satellite TV so just watch what is on the regular channels.

I've recently found a new to me author also.  Nancy Rue.  She has a series out called, "the Reluctant Prophet".  I love how the books make me think and realize how we can live out our callings.....

And I always love the Jane Kirkpatrick books.  Very good stories filled with history, reality, and God's love.

I'm undergoing some additional medical testing (nothing to do with my knee) and hope to have some answers by the end of this month.  Prayers would be appreciated.

I have tried to keep up with as many of you as I could, but know that I've missed some wonderful posts....

Bless you all for being such a great source of support.

Still finding hope in the midst of it all,
Elaine

Post OP

Hi everyone.
I'm home from the hospital and doing quite well.  I am up and walking with my walker and have exercises to do often.  I have the coolest machine that when I'm hooked up to it, moves my knee up and down by set degrees.  It helps the knee to not be as stiff and sore.  I also have an ice machine and that does wonders with the cooling effects.

I so appreciate all your kind words and thoughts and prayers. 

Rob is doing well also.  He has a really bad knee also, so am hoping it will hold on until I'm all fixed up:)

Blessings to you all.

Surgery

I just wanted to let you know that I'm having my right knee replaced on Monday, Dec. 5th.  It has needed to be done for several years now and this is not the perfect time, but I am going to do it anyway.  The pain has gotten to the point I'm not moving around unless I must.  It hurts so bad all the time.  Coupled with my fibro and CFS I'm miserable. 

I would appreciate good thought and prayers.  It will be a challenging month ahead for us.  Rob is already concerned about his ability to care for me... I will need assistance for about 2 weeks to move from bed to wherever.... PT will start the day after surgery and last about 2 months or so, depending on how I do. 

I will come home Thurs or Fri if all goes well.  If not, I will go to a nursing facility for a bit before coming home.

It's a crazy, busy time to be down, but at least I will be getting it behind me.

Please pray for my brother who is most likely having surgery on Dec 8th to put an L-VAD in his heart.  Without it, he is in end stage heart failure.  Hoping and praying it will go well and that he will make it through fine.  I so want to be there with him.  He's in Salt Lake City at the transplant hospital.

Thanks so much for being so supportive and loving to me.  I have found such a comfort in your blogs.

God Bless and Merry Christmas to you all!

Some new and interesting work on Fibro/ CFS/ Lyme/ etc.....

Hi to you all.  I wanted to share this info with you today.  This comes to me from my specialist so I trust the source.  A totally new to me way of thinking and treating these horrible conditions.

http://www.iadvocatehealth.org/protozoal_infection0.aspx


Hope you find this interesting.  I sure did:) 

Blessings to you today and always!

Elaine

Happy Thanksgiving

Just wanted to say hi and hope and pray you all have a wonderful day today.  Even in the midst of our illnesses, I believe that if we look, we will find much to be thankful for.

Thank you for being a part of my life and for making this journey easier by sharing yourselves with me.

Blessings to you today and always!

We did it!

We really did!  We drove to MT and back this past week.  My brother is quite ill and lives in MT.  We live in Oregon.  So my dear husband did all the driving and we made the trip. 

God went before us with weather and road conditions.  He was with us every step of the way and we actually had NO close calls!  Amazing for a long trip like this.  Just about 1,000 miles each way. 

Our dear family stepped up and cared for our dogs for us.  We stayed in motels and then 4 nights with my brother and his wife.  His heart is failing him.  They will go to Salt Lake City on Nov. 15th for another evaluation for either a heart transplant or another procedure to install "hard ware" that will assist his heart.  There is the chance that they can do "nothing" more for him.

We had a wonderful visit.  I rested up the week before the trip and slept quite a bit while there. 

They have satellite TV so I could watch HGTV and just relax when my brother was resting. 

We did do some sight seeing.  One day we went to a museum and saw the Pulitzer Prize photos.  It was a real eye opener.  Another day we visited another museum and here is the link: bairfamilymuseum.org/    It was an incredible place to visit and we loved it!  We didn't have to drive so I rested in the car each way. 

I have no idea why the font changed:)

We arrived home about 4 PM today.  It was totally worth the effort.  I can crash later:)  I wanted to see my brother so badly.  I love his wife very much too. 

It was an incredible trip.

If  you are the praying type, please pray for them.  They have some hard choices ahead.

Hope you had a great day today!

Blessings,
Elaine

A new doctor

Well, I did it.  I found a new doc and have an apt next week to get to know her.  As I was calling around, the doc I have now was the name I was given over and over..... makes me wonder what I did to make her dislike me so much?  Oh well, water under the bridge and moving on!
I appreciate all your kind word of encouragement!  It means so much to me and keeps me going.

This week went by in a blur.  I slept the first part of it.  Then the sunshine came back and I sat in the sun and worked jigsaw puzzles:)  Lovely. 

 Then I got notified that I was a runner up in a contest I'd entered with an author I love.  Jane Kirkpatrick!  If you haven't read anything by her, look her up.  She's great.  I won her new book and three other authors new books!!!!!  So now I have some new reading material for the rainy days on the way:)  I seldom win anything so it was a real treat! 

Then someone close to us stopped by with coupons for dog food that will keep our dog fed for several months for FREE!  What a blessing that is!  He weighs nearly 100 lbs and is expensive to feed:)  Our little dog eats much less and is on a special diet as he's old....

My husband had three GOOD days in a row!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  That in itself is a huge blessing!!!!!  He worked outside and got some sun and got lots of "fall" things done too! 

Yesterday we had 6 of our 7 gkids for a few hours:):):)  Rob helped and it was nice so they could play outside and did.  Some played the WII and games on the computer and everyone took turns and shared!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I had a nice visit with my daughter in law and son in law when they picked up kids too!  I was exhausted and had a frozen dinner for supper:)  So did Rob. 

All in all, I'd say this was one of the best weeks we've had in a very long time.  One to tuck away and remember when things aren't going well....

God is good, all the time.  Even when life isn't!

Again, thanks for all your uplifting words!!!! 

Blessings to you all,
Elaine

It's been on my mind

Something happened last week that has been heavy on my mind.  I was at the doctors office and the "nurse" who was helping me was very nice.  She asked me all the right questions, etc. and when I mentioned my CFS and fibro, she said, "Oh, I have that too.  But I refuse to let it destroy my life.  I just push through it and take meds for the pain.  I get really tired, but just move on."  And she left the room.

I was sitting there with my thoughts swirling a million miles an hour.  Why can't I do that?  Why is she different?  What is wrong with me?  Am I lazy?  Have I given up?  Do I give into my symptoms too easily? 

It's been haunting me all week.  I felt as though I'd been slapped in the face.  That my illness was an excuse.  That I could be well if I just wanted to be.  And my doc has the same attitude I do believe.  (Yes, I'm looking for a new one).

Where does that leave me?  Why are some of us so ill and others able to function "normally" with it?  Do I just need to push harder?  Pretend that I am not ill?  Pretend that I can?  I have done that and it has always led to a severe crash.  Sometimes lasting years. 

I'm not feeling sorry for myself.  I am just confused.  I want to be well.  I desire to be well.  I have black berries, plums, and tomatoes to pick.  I watch them ripen and fall to the ground.  Others wonder why I didnt plant a big garden this year?  Well, I couldnt.  And in the past, my daughter and family were here to do most of hte work.  They have moved and that is no longer a possiblility.  People say things like "if I had all that space, I would plant a big garden".  Well, come on over and do it.  Gardens are a lot of work.  I love fresh produce, but am simply not able to get it on my own most of the time.  Once in a while I can pick a few berries or get a few tomatoes off the vines. 

How do you handle these kinds of situations?  I'm feeling very fragile right now.  My hubby is not very well, and my brother needs a heart transplant.  We are still waiting to hear about the road/bridge project that may impact our home, and yes, I'm stressed out.  I KNOW GOD will take care of us, its just the getting there that has me wondering... can I keep up my strength long enough to get thru this all?  I have set priorities and have let so many other things go over the years.  A clean house means huge set backs.  So... its dusty and the floor needs scrubbed.  But I talked with family on the phone, hugged my gkids, and pray, pray pray!

Thanks for listening.

God bless,

Elaine

Wonderful news

Rob's angiogram found nothing that needed to be fixed!  Docs said that the stress test was a false positive.  We say its a miracle from God!

My brother however, didn't get good news.  He is not a candidate for a transplant at this time.  Praying the new meds will work, that he will live long enough for it to work, and that the right heart will be waiting for him when he's ready!

So much hurt in this world.  So much pain.  And such a wonderful God we have!  Sometimes the blessings are in the pain.  And sometimes there is just the pain (from our vantage point).  But God sees the big pix, the whole plan, the wonder of life.  And He will carry us through.  He will love us enough to help us even when we can't possibly see what is good.  He will.  He will.  He does.  Praise God.

Blessings,
Elaine

A Wild Week

This has been one of those weeks one would not like to repeat.  A week ago today my husband Rob had his cardiac test results apt.  He had flunked his tests.  He will have an angiogram tomorrow and they expect to do bi pass surgery.  His blockages are front and back and top and bottom according to the stress test.  He's not quite 54. 

My oldest brother who had a massive heart attack 10 years ago is facing heart failure now.  They are on their way from MT to Salt Lake for an evaluation for a transplant.  His testing starts tomorrow also. 

A great niece whom we almost adopted about 8 years ago has been placed in a psyc hospital.  She and her sister are being raised by their gma.  The courts decided that she was a better fit for the girls and she was a closer relative..... We were so disappointed and hurt for the girls.  Their lives have been so hard.  But with my health, I am sure it was better for us.  But not for them:(

My surgeon had to have surgery himself so my knee replacement wont be until December sometime... poor guy!

But some great things happened too.  We were able to visit our friend who had a brain tumor removed a month ago.  He's struggling but is in recovery.  Still praying for him. 

And yesterday was the best day of the week!  We rode with our other two kids and gkids two hours away to visit our youngest son and family.  Their little boy will be two tomorrow.  So we had a big BD party and visited and had a fantastic day!!!!!!! 

On the way home we were close enough to one of the forest fires to see the flames and the helicopters.  One of the campgrounds that we used to serve was evacuated day before yesterday and the road closed!  It was incredible and terrifying all at the same time.  In the 4 years we were in the woods, we only had one tiny fire that close and it was put out quickly. 

It's hot here now.  we aer in the 90's daily and may hit 100's later this week.  First week of school too.  Poor kids!  Most of our schools don't have AC at all. 

I would appreciate good thoughts and prayers sent our way if you would.  Things are so overwhelming right now.  But I know God is in control and am doing my best to trust in HIM! 

Blessings to you all,
Elaine

Living in the country or how to stay sane at times.....

Here it is---- finally summer is upon us.  We live in a unique farming area.  We are surrounded by farms on all sides with a major state highway running in front of our house.  It finally got hot enough that we need all the windows open all the time.  The catch?  The noise of summer. 

The farmer behind us runs a huge irrigation machine which is operated by a tractor that is very loud.  The crops need the water and being a farm girl, I certainly understand.  But it gets loud.... I love the sound of the sprinklers when operated with a pump rather than the tractor tho:)  It is so soothing.

They harvested the beans the other days.... yes, days.... two huge bean pickers ran for nearly two days.  And nights of course.  Loud.... now there is the smell of decaying green bean bushes... interesting aroma let me tell you.

Then there is the wheat harvest.  Dusty but not long lived.  Our house is covered in dirt and dust in the summer.  One simply can not keep up.  Even when I was "well" I didn't try to dust too often in the summer.  It was pointless.

The crops across the roadway are berries, and mostly dirt this summer.  They have taken out all the arborvitae that were there and not replanted yet.  The berries keep folks busy and we can hear them laughing as they work.

Of course this is all amid the noise of living on a state highway which is also a main truck route.  The traffic so seldom stops... and often when it does, its with a terrible bang and we are calling 911 and going out to help if we can.  There have been at least 5 fatal accidents out front in the 25 years we have lived here.  Oh, I forgot to mention there is a curved bridge (which they are going to replace soon) and an intersecting county road in front of our house too.  When they forget to stop, they take out our trees:(

I love living in the country.  Really I do.  Well, I used to anyway... in the day when the traffic slowed to a couple of cars an hour during the night and we had very few trucks going by at all.  Now I am not so sure.  Once in a while when all is still, I remember why I love it here so much.  I can see the stars, hear the creek in the winter, listen to the wildlife, and see nature all around me.  It's a wonderful place to be... once in a while.........

Oh and now we have not one but two event venues near us also.  So we have live music and lots of additional traffic whenever there is an event.  Tonight we have polka music on one side and something I can't quite discern on the other:)  They don't really bother me too much tho.  I understand why they are doing it.  And free concerts are fun:)  The one neighbor especially we are good friends with and never mind the music.  They other just started this summer and is literally across the creek from the first venue.  No competition there:(  I think tonight they will hear each other loud and clear...

We have coyotes nearby also that howl at night and then all the dogs in the neighborhood bark and carry on. 

You would never know we live on 80+ acres!!!!!

And my point is????? 

It's so hard to relax with all this going on all the time.  I get so tired and its hard to rest when the noise level is so high.  We have window air conditioners but have not needed them this summer until now and actually I hate the noise and the cold air they produce.  I get chilled so easily these days.  My poor husband is sweltering in the house and I'm often wrapped up in a blanket??  I sure don't understand that at all.

So, I watch TV, at a very loud volume, play my computer games and read once in a while.  Mostly I work at shutting out the noise and trying to ignore the traffic.  We may have to move soon and in some ways, I am so ready, but in others, I don't want to leave here.  We will have to move into town as there is nothing out here we can afford.  And I've not lived in town for more than a year at a time and hated it too... guess I'm impossible to please.  This is the farm I grew up on.  There are lots of memories here for me.  My parents had a dairy farm.

And I pray.  For patience, for understanding, for quiet, for ear plugs.... and I give thanks that I have a warm and dry home to live in, that I can hear all that is going on around me, that I am alive and that I have hope.  And I am thankful for all of you.  You lift me up when life tries to hold me down.  I am encouraged, enlightened, filled with laughter, and sometimes cry with you all.

Blessings to you and enjoy the world you live in!

Elaine