Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Running in place

Running.  Spinning.  Racing from one place to another so fast I've lost where I was.  Planning, thinking, trying to decide.  Too many choices.  Too much to think about.  No time to stop.  Must not stop.  Keep running.  Keep moving. 

A body that sits so still it might be dead.  A mind that can't stop running. Is the mind compensating for the body?  Trying to do what the body can't?  Afraid to stop.  If the mind stops too, then what?  Does the body then die?  Must not stop thinking about everything.  Must not stop.

Exhaustion.  From what?  Not from moving this body.  From running another marathon today.  In my mind.  Can't stop thinking.  Must not stop.  Where will this end?

Know I must rest.  Know I must pray.  Know I must stop thinking and let this mind and body and soul truly rest.  So hard to do these days. 

Wondering why it's so hard right now?  So hard to stop and rest.  The running keeps me upright.  Keeps me alive.  Afraid the mind will leave if I stop. 

Fighting.  Angry.  So disappointed.  So tired of trying to hope.  So tired of believing I will be better.  Each time a new treatment comes around, the hope surges and I think, "is this the one for me"?  So tired of trying to live as though I'm well and failing.  So tired of being sick. 

Wishing and hoping for a new life.  For being well.  For having a body and mind that works like it should.  For being the wife, mom, gma, auntie, etc.... that I want to be.  For the shackles of illness to be gone. 

Wondering why?  Not why me, but why the big picture.  Why for all of us who suffer and are ill.  What is the purpose in this?  What will be accomplished by these illnesses?  Are we being shaped and molded into someone new?  Are we serving a need? 

I KNOW there are better days coming.  I have lived this before.  Hope and pray.  What I live by.  My hope in the midst is Jesus Christ.  My prayer is that He will be with me.  And HE is! 

I know that someday I will understand all this.  Someday I will be free from the pain, fatigue, frustration, and set free to live the life that was intended for me.  I know that in my heart and soul.  I know it.  I just have to be more patient and wait for it.  It may come while I'm still here on earth and it may not.  Either way, I will have that precious life.  I look forward to it with great anticipation and hope.  I am eager for it. 

Someday I will achieve those things I'm unable to do now.  I will tend to the children in Africa.  I will run and not be weary.  I will meet the needs of my family.  I will be able to do it all!!!!!

I hope and pray that you will find the same peace I've found.  Even when I struggle like today, I know in my heart it will all be well with my soul.  This body may fail me, but my spirit knows there is so much more than this to be had. 

There's a hymn called "It is well with my soul" and I can identify with it especially today.  My soul is well.  My body doesn't have to be when my soul is well.  I hang on to that and I revel in the Grace and Mercy shown to me each and every day.  I feel so blessed to know Jesus.

Praying that today is a good day for you.  Praying you will find peace and contentment where ever you are this day.  Praying God's blessings upon you.  Praying for peace for your soul.


Saturday, July 16, 2011

Is stress contagious?

Lately I've been wondering about stress.  I seem to suffer from it and when things get really busy, I find myself grinding my teeth, tensing up, not sleeping well, etc.....

For example:  Our daughter and SIL and family have purchased a new home.  They needed to do some remodeling and as the deadline for them to be out of the current home approaches (Aug 1st), I find myself getting caught up in all of the action.  I so want to help and am trying my best to do so.  Mostly I'm caring for their children as they are feeling the stress of the move.  (They currently live next door to us and always have). 

The remodel is behind schedule and my daughter is feeling the stress.  She has worked so very hard all summer on it.  The mom in me wants to make it all better by shouldering some of the load.  I tried---- it backfired:(  as always.

But here I am.  Stressed because I can't "do", stressed because I did "do" and am in much more pain and fatigue, stressed because my hubby is trying hard to help too and it causes him pain and emotional stress.... and on and on.

So, I'm wondering what you do when stressed?  Especially when you can't remove the thing that is causing it?  (the move)  Living with someone who has severe depression.... trying to show all the gkids the same attention.... etc...
It was horse fair time too, so two trips to the fair to watch the oldest gson. 

Any suggestions you could offer would be greatly appreciated!

Hope your day is going well.

Blessings to you all,

Friday, July 8, 2011

A new way to stay connected

Hello everyone.  Hope and pray this day is a good one for you!

I came across this site the other day and  saw that it was an app for phones.  I read it and felt it would be a great way to stay connected when not feeling well, or when the family is worried...

Please take a look at it.  If it doesn't work for you, it might work for someone you know. 

The site is:  

I hope I haven't broken any "rules" by posting this.  It just looked so good and I found I was wishing we had had it when Rob's dad first got sick.  We could have stayed aware of his condition without calling all the time.  I am looking forward to using it.  And yes, I did buy it:)

My fibro/chronic fatigue is doing good right now.  The fatigue is better so that make my life so much easier to handle.  The pain I have just gotten used to I guess.

God Blessings to you all,


I am still not able to post replies on many of your blogs.  I am reading them tho!!!