Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Rain, hail, wind, sunshine

That is the weather here today.  Plus thunder and then it does it all over again... It got me to thinking..... my symptoms are much like that.  Just when I think I know what is going on---- it changes.  Locations, severity, etc.....

It makes me tired.  And I can see why.  We are creatures of habit.  We like things to be the way they have been.  Even when we are really "down" at least we know where we are.  But when we have ups and downs and inbetweens constantly, it is hard to deal with.  I'm there right now.  I pray for strength daily and while I have had "enough", its getting harder and harder to find. 

I know that all people experience constant change.  It would just seem that those who are not ill have a lot more ability to adapt and adjust.  There are times that the smallest things will put me over the edge.  In my "before" life, they would have been of no consequence, but now... they are huge.  Like changing weather patterns... they do affect the way I feel.  I am not sure if I need a coat, an umbrella, boots, or sunglasses.  Just as I'm not sure how to address my symptoms when they are in constant motion.  Whew!  There are days I just want things to stop and wait for me to catch up.  But alas, that is not what the plan is...

So once again, I turn to Jesus and He holds me close so I don't fall off this life that is before me.  I hold on tight and pray and He hears me.  And He does.  Even when I can't hear Him, I KNOW He is with me.  He has made that promise to me and I have hung onto it.  He gives me my hope in the midst of life.  Today and everyday.

So hang on and enjoy the ride!  We will come through this and we will be victorious. I know, I know, how will that happen?  It will be a different path for each one of us.  But it will happen!!

Blessings to each of you today and thank you for being in my life.


Friday, February 18, 2011

Just for today

My days seem to be running together.  My husband Rob, is doing very well after his surgery.  He is going to Physical Therapy twice a week and making great progress.  We are so very thankful!

Our days are busy though.  I'm doing all the driving and that wears me out:(  At least most of the time its under 10 miles each way.  There are things that Rob can't do for himself, so I am helping him with those. 

My anxiety is through the roof right now.... I tend to worry about things that I really have no need to.  It is something I work on constantly.

I went to my chiropractor today and that always helps me.  I have a couple of places in my neck that get soooo sore.  I think it comes from not being able to relax well. 

He suggested that I start a Magnesium and Malic Acid regime.  Are any of you taking them and have they helped at all?  Please let me know if you have tried it or have any info on it.  Thanks!

I'm still waiting to get the kit for all the blood work that I need done with the blood coagulation defect tests.  I'm feeling impatient:) 

I'm struggling with the fatigue and pain and resting as much as possible.  I'm very thankful that we did all that cooking in advance.  Even reheating is more than I want to do at times.  Our kids have fed us some and that has been really nice.  Cooking is so hard for me.  I have trouble following recipes... can't remember if I've added all the ingredients... sometimes I actually copy it and cross things off as I work..... 

We were supposed to get snow this week, but its just very cold rain.  The hills are beautiful and it cleared last night so I could see the moon for a bit.  It was so pretty.

Hope in the Midst.  Sometimes I forget that God is in control and that He knows all about all of this.  And then a reminder will come along and assure me that He indeed does know and cares.  And my hope is renewed.  I move ahead and I continue to live this life I have and rejoice in it.  He has given me what I need for today.  My job is to stop looking so far ahead.  I need to concentrate on what today is about.  ( I used to be quite the planner)  Now, I only try to make it today.  Try being the key word here.... I am grateful for this day and the blessings it has given me. 

Hope and pray you are all doing well today.  You are such a blessing to me!


Sunday, February 13, 2011

Lyrics to Praise You In This Storm by Casting Crowns

I wanted to share this with you all.  Hope this is ok to post like this?  I'm still learning all about this blogging life....

Source: http://www.sing365.com
Praise you in this storm
   ------Casting Crowns

Praise You in This Storm
words by Mark Hall/music by Mark Hall and Bernie Herms

I was sure by now,God, that You would have reached down
and wiped our tears away,
stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say amen
and it's still raining
as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain,
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away.

And I'll praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are
no matter where I am
and every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to You
and raised me up again
my strength is almost gone how can I carry on
if I can't find You
and as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away


I lift my eyes onto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth
I lift my eyes onto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth

This song has carried me through some very dark days. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ype1xE0wzsg  This should be the live video.  Its a bit loud so be ready to turn down your sound if it bothers you:)

I hope and pray you find as much joy and peace from this as I have and still do!

God bless you,


Saturday, February 12, 2011

When the answer is NO

Isaiah 55:8  "My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord.

I've been pondering this verse for a couple of days now.  What does it mean when the answer is different than the one I think is right? 

I often think that I would be a much better person if "only" I was well.  I could do so many more things.  I could work, volunteer, babysit, go on long trips, exercise,.......  then I look back and wonder who I was "before"?  Was I a better person?  Did I accomplish anymore that was worthwhile?  When I am honest with myself, I have to answer no to that question.  I was busier, I did more, but I don't think that it was necessarily "better". 

My relationship with God was not nearly as strong.  I was always compassionate, but I have learned so much more about compassion in the years I've been sick.  I've learned that things are not always as they seem.     I thought I knew all the answers.  I have learned that I indeed do not.

I have asked God many times to take away this disease.  He has chosen not to.  I have asked Him why?  He has chosen not to answer me.  Instead, He has strengthened me and given me more than I could ever ask for.  He has deepened my faith and blessed me in so many different ways.  You all are now a big part of that blessing. 

My personal life is full.  That is one of my favorite ways of describing it.  Full.  Not always full of good things, but indeed full.  God has supplied all I need to live this life He has given to me.  I run to Him and He fills me up. 

I choose to believe that while the answers to my questions are NO, there is a reason.  There is something better on the horizon for me.  I don't know what it is, or how it will present itself, but I know its there.  I will wait and try to be ready when it arrives.  I will live while I wait.  It may be from my bed or sofa, but I choose to live, regardless of the circumstances that come my way.  I will learn all I can about my condition, I will do the best I can with what I have been given.  I will continue to look forward.  And upward.  I will walk with Jesus down this long road.  

One of my favorite songs is "Praise you in this storm" by Casting Crowns.  It says it all.  

Thanks for being part of my blessing.  I am finding more of myself through all of you.  

Blessings to you all,


Sunday, February 6, 2011

Time is fluid

I've discovered that time can pass and run and play with me.  My day is measured by learning new tasks--taking care of Rob.  Making sure his ice machine is full and cold.  Recording medications.  Fixing food and doing dishes.  He's doing well and making what seems to be good progress.  I am thankful.

We had some wonderful visits over the weekend and we are glad to have had someone besides ourselves to talk to:)  We have watched movies and rested.
I have decided however, that I would love to have a cook and a maid.  I am sure I'm not alone on that:)

We've been sleeping well at night and this morning I just got up to fill the ice machine and give Rob his pills and went back to bed.  We both slept most of the day.  It was wonderful:) 

Shelli from XMRV shared a beautiful video that lifted my spirits and gave me joy. 

God has been showing his presence in our days often and I am very thankful for His love.  He is with me and I feel his strength and mercy as I make my way through each hour of each day.  My heart is happy and my soul is content.  God is good.

Thank you for  your prayers and your support.  They are welcomed and valued.

God bless you all.  Praying you are all feeling better and that things are looking up for you.


Thursday, February 3, 2011

The Day After

Well, my dear husband Rob's surgery went very well.  His heart behaved itself and there were no complications.  His pain is being well controlled with his meds and he is trying really hard to be a good patient.

I am already exhausted, but family is helping and that makes such a difference.  I've been pacing as best as possible and resting when I can.

I've been taking to heart all your good suggestions.  I appreciate them all.

I am so thankful to have found you all.  It gives me hope when there seems to be no end to trials.  I have such great respect for you all and I gather strength from you and your words.

God is so great and so faithful.  I had been having the same dream for weeks that when Rob stood up after surgery that he fell, hit his head, and died from the injury.  Crazy huh?  When he stood up the first time yesterday I almost ran from the room.  But of course he did just fine and all was good.....

Our daughter in law is an RN and works at the same hospital where Rob had his surgery in the same dept. where we were.  She was off yesterday though and sat with us.  She brought her little girl (2) who is so intrigued with all things medical and was watching and taking it all in!  Amazing.  (there was nothing inappropriate for her to see of course).  She's been here to help us with questions and problems a couple of times already:)

I am committed to taking this one step at a time and to ask for help when we need it.  I appreciate your prayers and loving thoughts and do ask for them to continue.  We are just getting started here.

Praying that you are all finding hope and peace in the midst of your days.  Praying also that those of you who are in the deep freeze are safe and can keep warm somehow. 

God Bless and Keep You All,