A day to share

I so wish you could see what I'm looking at right now.  Our sliding glass door is open and since the dogs ruined the screen last year, there isn't one on it.  Our little dog is sitting just inside the doorway and he's watching the birds come and go on the feeders.  They are only about 8-10 feet outside the door themselves.  The birds aren't afraid of him at all and he's sitting so very still.  He has no plans to chase them like our big dog does.  I'd take a pix, but hubby's camera is so heavy I cant do it:(  The grass is growing so fast you can almost hear it.  The tiny daisys are up and blooming in the grass.  I love them.  They have been here all my life. 

Farm equipment and cars and trucks are driving by, but not yet rush hour, so not too much traffic yet.  The electric company that is moving poles (for the new bridge and roadway) have gone home for the day, so that particular noise is gone.  They were stopping traffic in front of our home most of the day today.  Interesting noises:)

I'd like to share a quote with you that came from an author I read.  It spoke so clearly to me that it nearly made me jump when I read it the first time. 

Nancy Rue

Bishop Hee-Soo Jung (Methodist, Chicago) says we need to 'Curl up under the powerful grace of God' rather than strive for what we can do. It sounds like a kind of wonderful Divine nap we all need to take, you think? .

Nancy posted it on FB and I asked to be sure I could share it.  I know public domain and all, but didn't want to quote the Bishop without asking. 

So many days I find myself fighting against what is.  This life I have is real and it is what it is.  Yes, I can do many things to stay as healthy as possible.  I do my best.  But oh the days of wanting more.  Wanting what I've lost and having what I don't.  Looking to those who "can" and being jealous and angry at times.  I also heard Joyce Meyers last night and she spoke to doing what we can.  Not what others can.  That rang very true to me too.  Doing what we can is worship and a blessing.  Trying to do what others are called to do is not.  I can't memorize scripture.  I love to sing, but stand back:)  I do make a joyful noise to the Lord!  I can't jump on a plane and fly to be with my brother.  My siblings can.  I can't exercise like the surgeon wants me to.  I CAN however, love with my whole heart.  Pray, encourage, and just be.  (Most of the time).  Some days, I can just be while in bed---resting, waiting, and knowing that God is in control.  I so often don't have the energy to do any more than that.  So, in Jesus, that is enough.  I am enough with HIM. 

I still struggle with what I'm "called to do or be", but am getting better at being present where I am right now and doing all I can at the moment.  Sometimes it is thinking of each of the people who are in my life.  Or praying for those I hear about who need prayers.  Sometimes its' laying very still and taking one breath after another. 

Curled up under the Grace of God.  That is indeed a very good place to be!

Hope and pray you all have time today to do just that!

Love and Blessings,
Elaine

Good news----Life

Good morning to you.  Hope and pray you are having a wonderful day today.

I got my biopsy back and its benign!!!!  Praising God for that!  Doc says that if I have no more symptoms I don't need to see him for a year:):):)  Glad to have that out of the way and not worry about it any more!!

My knee is still giving me trouble but am continuing to work with PT and do my best to follow the instructions.  I get soooooo tired tho.... It's about all I can do to move about some days let alone ride the recumbent bike.....

The state has begun the work on the new bridge.  I will try to post some pix here to show you what it looked like before and after the work so far.  The phone company has moved some of the lines and the noise from the tree removal service nearly drove me crazy.  They were literally less than 20 feet from the front of our house.  The road will be about 8 feet closer to us than it is now.  Within the legal limits, but certainly not within the "moral" limits.  The State actually had to get a waver from the County to do this work so close to our house.  No one asked me what I thought about it:( 

 

We may have to leave once the real work starts.  They will be working long days and there will be much noise and dirt, etc..... We still have our travel trailer (we've been unable to sell it with the economy down) so we might just have to "take a trip". We can park at our kids' and we may just do that:)  We are planning to move as the house will be so close to the road and the tree barrier is gone.  I feel like an animal in a cage.....

You can see the before pix with the mobile home and the after.  They actually took a few more trees and shrubs than in that pix.  And yes, the mobile home needs a paint job:) 

The big house is the house I grew up in.  My parents had a dairy farm and this is the farm house.  The trees offered shade and protection from the roadway and noise.... All gone now.  The pix are reversed as that is the order they were taken in and I can't figure out how to undo it.

The plan is to raise the roadway about 4-5 feet in front of the mobile (my house) and so the road will be level with us:(  Already the noise and dirt is much worse than before and its still raining.  I can't imagine what summer will bring.

Prayers would be appreciated as we have no idea what we will do.  The family trust owns the land and it is to be sold, so we will have to move.  As I said before, I have no desire to live on the roadway.  It was bad enough before.

So, I'm trying to stay positive.  I'm trying to trust God.  I'm trying to sort and pack.... I'm trying! 

God Bless You All!

I so appreciate having found you!

Elaine

Moving along

Hello everyone.  Hope this day finds you happy and as well as you can be.

I'm finally coming out of a bad flare up and a huge set back with my new knee.  I was doing wonderfully until early Feb. and then my knee went nuts.  Severe pain, swelling,no relief to be had.... all the tests look ok..... the Dr. has been wonderful and has seen me thru all this as well as my PT gal.  She has helped me greatly.  I had to stop PT for several weeks to let the pain and swelling ease up and it finally is!  Praise God!  We have a recumbent bike we are borrowing from my brother and it is helping a lot.  Very little pain with it. And with little resistance, not hard on the rest of my either:)

I've spent the past many weeks doing a lot of TV watching and reading as I can.  We watch lots of old reruns and some of the new shows too.  I like the original NCIS, Unforgettable, The Mentalist, and Harry's Law.  We just rented the newest (to us at least) Jessie Stone movie, "Lost Innocence" and enjoyed it too. We really like those movies.  We watch Blue Bloods too.... We don't have satellite TV so just watch what is on the regular channels.

I've recently found a new to me author also.  Nancy Rue.  She has a series out called, "the Reluctant Prophet".  I love how the books make me think and realize how we can live out our callings.....

And I always love the Jane Kirkpatrick books.  Very good stories filled with history, reality, and God's love.

I'm undergoing some additional medical testing (nothing to do with my knee) and hope to have some answers by the end of this month.  Prayers would be appreciated.

I have tried to keep up with as many of you as I could, but know that I've missed some wonderful posts....

Bless you all for being such a great source of support.

Still finding hope in the midst of it all,
Elaine

Post OP

Hi everyone.
I'm home from the hospital and doing quite well.  I am up and walking with my walker and have exercises to do often.  I have the coolest machine that when I'm hooked up to it, moves my knee up and down by set degrees.  It helps the knee to not be as stiff and sore.  I also have an ice machine and that does wonders with the cooling effects.

I so appreciate all your kind words and thoughts and prayers. 

Rob is doing well also.  He has a really bad knee also, so am hoping it will hold on until I'm all fixed up:)

Blessings to you all.

Surgery

I just wanted to let you know that I'm having my right knee replaced on Monday, Dec. 5th.  It has needed to be done for several years now and this is not the perfect time, but I am going to do it anyway.  The pain has gotten to the point I'm not moving around unless I must.  It hurts so bad all the time.  Coupled with my fibro and CFS I'm miserable. 

I would appreciate good thought and prayers.  It will be a challenging month ahead for us.  Rob is already concerned about his ability to care for me... I will need assistance for about 2 weeks to move from bed to wherever.... PT will start the day after surgery and last about 2 months or so, depending on how I do. 

I will come home Thurs or Fri if all goes well.  If not, I will go to a nursing facility for a bit before coming home.

It's a crazy, busy time to be down, but at least I will be getting it behind me.

Please pray for my brother who is most likely having surgery on Dec 8th to put an L-VAD in his heart.  Without it, he is in end stage heart failure.  Hoping and praying it will go well and that he will make it through fine.  I so want to be there with him.  He's in Salt Lake City at the transplant hospital.

Thanks so much for being so supportive and loving to me.  I have found such a comfort in your blogs.

God Bless and Merry Christmas to you all!

We did it!

We really did!  We drove to MT and back this past week.  My brother is quite ill and lives in MT.  We live in Oregon.  So my dear husband did all the driving and we made the trip. 

God went before us with weather and road conditions.  He was with us every step of the way and we actually had NO close calls!  Amazing for a long trip like this.  Just about 1,000 miles each way. 

Our dear family stepped up and cared for our dogs for us.  We stayed in motels and then 4 nights with my brother and his wife.  His heart is failing him.  They will go to Salt Lake City on Nov. 15th for another evaluation for either a heart transplant or another procedure to install "hard ware" that will assist his heart.  There is the chance that they can do "nothing" more for him.

We had a wonderful visit.  I rested up the week before the trip and slept quite a bit while there. 

They have satellite TV so I could watch HGTV and just relax when my brother was resting. 

We did do some sight seeing.  One day we went to a museum and saw the Pulitzer Prize photos.  It was a real eye opener.  Another day we visited another museum and here is the link: bairfamilymuseum.org/    It was an incredible place to visit and we loved it!  We didn't have to drive so I rested in the car each way. 

I have no idea why the font changed:)

We arrived home about 4 PM today.  It was totally worth the effort.  I can crash later:)  I wanted to see my brother so badly.  I love his wife very much too. 

It was an incredible trip.

If  you are the praying type, please pray for them.  They have some hard choices ahead.

Hope you had a great day today!

Blessings,
Elaine

A new doctor

Well, I did it.  I found a new doc and have an apt next week to get to know her.  As I was calling around, the doc I have now was the name I was given over and over..... makes me wonder what I did to make her dislike me so much?  Oh well, water under the bridge and moving on!
I appreciate all your kind word of encouragement!  It means so much to me and keeps me going.

This week went by in a blur.  I slept the first part of it.  Then the sunshine came back and I sat in the sun and worked jigsaw puzzles:)  Lovely. 

 Then I got notified that I was a runner up in a contest I'd entered with an author I love.  Jane Kirkpatrick!  If you haven't read anything by her, look her up.  She's great.  I won her new book and three other authors new books!!!!!  So now I have some new reading material for the rainy days on the way:)  I seldom win anything so it was a real treat! 

Then someone close to us stopped by with coupons for dog food that will keep our dog fed for several months for FREE!  What a blessing that is!  He weighs nearly 100 lbs and is expensive to feed:)  Our little dog eats much less and is on a special diet as he's old....

My husband had three GOOD days in a row!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  That in itself is a huge blessing!!!!!  He worked outside and got some sun and got lots of "fall" things done too! 

Yesterday we had 6 of our 7 gkids for a few hours:):):)  Rob helped and it was nice so they could play outside and did.  Some played the WII and games on the computer and everyone took turns and shared!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I had a nice visit with my daughter in law and son in law when they picked up kids too!  I was exhausted and had a frozen dinner for supper:)  So did Rob. 

All in all, I'd say this was one of the best weeks we've had in a very long time.  One to tuck away and remember when things aren't going well....

God is good, all the time.  Even when life isn't!

Again, thanks for all your uplifting words!!!! 

Blessings to you all,
Elaine

It's been on my mind

Something happened last week that has been heavy on my mind.  I was at the doctors office and the "nurse" who was helping me was very nice.  She asked me all the right questions, etc. and when I mentioned my CFS and fibro, she said, "Oh, I have that too.  But I refuse to let it destroy my life.  I just push through it and take meds for the pain.  I get really tired, but just move on."  And she left the room.

I was sitting there with my thoughts swirling a million miles an hour.  Why can't I do that?  Why is she different?  What is wrong with me?  Am I lazy?  Have I given up?  Do I give into my symptoms too easily? 

It's been haunting me all week.  I felt as though I'd been slapped in the face.  That my illness was an excuse.  That I could be well if I just wanted to be.  And my doc has the same attitude I do believe.  (Yes, I'm looking for a new one).

Where does that leave me?  Why are some of us so ill and others able to function "normally" with it?  Do I just need to push harder?  Pretend that I am not ill?  Pretend that I can?  I have done that and it has always led to a severe crash.  Sometimes lasting years. 

I'm not feeling sorry for myself.  I am just confused.  I want to be well.  I desire to be well.  I have black berries, plums, and tomatoes to pick.  I watch them ripen and fall to the ground.  Others wonder why I didnt plant a big garden this year?  Well, I couldnt.  And in the past, my daughter and family were here to do most of hte work.  They have moved and that is no longer a possiblility.  People say things like "if I had all that space, I would plant a big garden".  Well, come on over and do it.  Gardens are a lot of work.  I love fresh produce, but am simply not able to get it on my own most of the time.  Once in a while I can pick a few berries or get a few tomatoes off the vines. 

How do you handle these kinds of situations?  I'm feeling very fragile right now.  My hubby is not very well, and my brother needs a heart transplant.  We are still waiting to hear about the road/bridge project that may impact our home, and yes, I'm stressed out.  I KNOW GOD will take care of us, its just the getting there that has me wondering... can I keep up my strength long enough to get thru this all?  I have set priorities and have let so many other things go over the years.  A clean house means huge set backs.  So... its dusty and the floor needs scrubbed.  But I talked with family on the phone, hugged my gkids, and pray, pray pray!

Thanks for listening.

God bless,

Elaine

Living in the country or how to stay sane at times.....

Here it is---- finally summer is upon us.  We live in a unique farming area.  We are surrounded by farms on all sides with a major state highway running in front of our house.  It finally got hot enough that we need all the windows open all the time.  The catch?  The noise of summer. 

The farmer behind us runs a huge irrigation machine which is operated by a tractor that is very loud.  The crops need the water and being a farm girl, I certainly understand.  But it gets loud.... I love the sound of the sprinklers when operated with a pump rather than the tractor tho:)  It is so soothing.

They harvested the beans the other days.... yes, days.... two huge bean pickers ran for nearly two days.  And nights of course.  Loud.... now there is the smell of decaying green bean bushes... interesting aroma let me tell you.

Then there is the wheat harvest.  Dusty but not long lived.  Our house is covered in dirt and dust in the summer.  One simply can not keep up.  Even when I was "well" I didn't try to dust too often in the summer.  It was pointless.

The crops across the roadway are berries, and mostly dirt this summer.  They have taken out all the arborvitae that were there and not replanted yet.  The berries keep folks busy and we can hear them laughing as they work.

Of course this is all amid the noise of living on a state highway which is also a main truck route.  The traffic so seldom stops... and often when it does, its with a terrible bang and we are calling 911 and going out to help if we can.  There have been at least 5 fatal accidents out front in the 25 years we have lived here.  Oh, I forgot to mention there is a curved bridge (which they are going to replace soon) and an intersecting county road in front of our house too.  When they forget to stop, they take out our trees:(

I love living in the country.  Really I do.  Well, I used to anyway... in the day when the traffic slowed to a couple of cars an hour during the night and we had very few trucks going by at all.  Now I am not so sure.  Once in a while when all is still, I remember why I love it here so much.  I can see the stars, hear the creek in the winter, listen to the wildlife, and see nature all around me.  It's a wonderful place to be... once in a while.........

Oh and now we have not one but two event venues near us also.  So we have live music and lots of additional traffic whenever there is an event.  Tonight we have polka music on one side and something I can't quite discern on the other:)  They don't really bother me too much tho.  I understand why they are doing it.  And free concerts are fun:)  The one neighbor especially we are good friends with and never mind the music.  They other just started this summer and is literally across the creek from the first venue.  No competition there:(  I think tonight they will hear each other loud and clear...

We have coyotes nearby also that howl at night and then all the dogs in the neighborhood bark and carry on. 

You would never know we live on 80+ acres!!!!!

And my point is????? 

It's so hard to relax with all this going on all the time.  I get so tired and its hard to rest when the noise level is so high.  We have window air conditioners but have not needed them this summer until now and actually I hate the noise and the cold air they produce.  I get chilled so easily these days.  My poor husband is sweltering in the house and I'm often wrapped up in a blanket??  I sure don't understand that at all.

So, I watch TV, at a very loud volume, play my computer games and read once in a while.  Mostly I work at shutting out the noise and trying to ignore the traffic.  We may have to move soon and in some ways, I am so ready, but in others, I don't want to leave here.  We will have to move into town as there is nothing out here we can afford.  And I've not lived in town for more than a year at a time and hated it too... guess I'm impossible to please.  This is the farm I grew up on.  There are lots of memories here for me.  My parents had a dairy farm.

And I pray.  For patience, for understanding, for quiet, for ear plugs.... and I give thanks that I have a warm and dry home to live in, that I can hear all that is going on around me, that I am alive and that I have hope.  And I am thankful for all of you.  You lift me up when life tries to hold me down.  I am encouraged, enlightened, filled with laughter, and sometimes cry with you all.

Blessings to you and enjoy the world you live in!

Elaine

My Hands and Feet

A very dear friend was lamenting that she felt she couldn't and didn't help me in any way.  We talked and talked about it.  I felt she does all she can. (she lives in another state a long way from me).  She loves me, always comes to see my when she's here in Oregon, writes to me, etc.... Still she felt badly that she sees me in a life that is so different than hers.  She works full time, is involved in her church and other ministries, has a busy family, etc....

It got me to thinking.  She does many ministries that I would love to do, but simply can't.  And then it occurred to me.  She is my hands and feet.  I am her prayer partner.  I lift her up and support her, and she goes about the doing.

We make a great pair!  I know there is a song out about being God's hands and feet, but I'd never thought about someone being mine before.  I can pray and support others in what they are able to "do", thus allowing them to continue the work of God.  I can pray and support them.  Together we are making this world a better place and I am contributing also. 

What a gift!  I get to "do" something!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Praying for you all and hoping this is a great day for you!!!

Blessings,
Elaine

Whew, what a week

What a week.  It really started the week before the "week" with house cleaning and organizing.  Company was coming and there was much to be done.  Rob and I cleaned, rested, cleaned, rested... and it looked so much better. 

The dates were on the calendar and the plans were made.  The meetings and events were set.  All was in order.  Right?

The days began to run together.  The visitors arrived and such joy as always to see them all.  The visiting began.  And then the uninvited visitors came.  With a stench.  A large skunk was hit on the road in front of our house and filled our home with a horrible aroma of skunk.  The night before the big meeting and the rest of the visitors to arrive.  The dogs and I had tears running down our eyes and our noses were pouring.  It was late and there was no where to go.  It was horrible!  Sleep was little and the next day was the big day. 

The meeting was set for 10 AM and we held it outside in the driveway so all could see how the road affects our home.  Of course the skunk just added some additional flavor to the day.  Finally after about 2 hours, Rob couldn't stand it any more and buried it.  It helped slightly.  That was a Wed. 

The meeting was with ODOT and family to discuss the "bridge" project that is taking our yards and exposing us to the highway in a whole new way.  Three hours and we came away with no real answers... erggggg...

That night our company was coming into the house from their trailer and saw skunks..... right at the house.  Hmmm.  Thurs AM there was another one dead on the road.  A little one... Wonder if there are more?  Yes indeed, Thurs night when another "daughter" came, she saw three more at the steps into our house... Oh dear.  Fri the little ones were trying to find their mom we decided.  Rob got one and then there were 3.  Fri night we went to the retirement celebration and when we got home they were all at the door again... one more gone.  Now there are 2.

Sightings of them continue and the smell is all around us.  I'm getting pushed to my limit and then some.  Sunday after church and visitors left for home, our big dog Fergus catches one.  Literally.  Oh my....he races into the house (not to be stopped by the likes of me) and STUNK!  He had been sprayed and he was trying to rub it off all over the house.  Finally drug him out with Rob's help and call our friend the VET tech.  She raced over with some great stuff that kills the odor.  It really did help.  Our little dog was hiding and his eyes were just pouring...  He didn't get sprayed, but it was overwhelming.  I'd had it by then.  I was in tears.  No where to rest, the house stunk and the dog needed care.  Maybe that was the last one????  Nope, an hour later there was another in the front yard.  Rob took care of it and more stench.  That made 4.  All that we had seen.  No one slept well again....

Monday afternoon my son in law calls and says there is one down by their house.  Another one??????????  My goodness this mom had a huge litter.  And they were so cute... but so stinky.  So I took care of that one.  Broke my heart, but it would never have survived the coyotes.  Yes, we have them too.  That made 5.  Praying that was all. 

Birthday suppers, recitals, picnics, meetings, celebrations, uninvited guests, and invited ones... they were all here at the same time.  I'm still reeling from it. But it was a good time.  It was family and friends living this life we have been given.  And God has supplied me with what I need to handle it.  It took nearly all I had and now resting is all I'm doing.  But it was indeed one of those times when it was worth "it".  I will pay dearly for it, but I am so very thankful for the strength to be able to do this at this time.  Resting in the Lord and relying on Him to help me.  There are times when my body won't allow for such weeks, but this time it did. 

I repeat myself, wander in my musings, and love reading your posts.  I am forgetting everything, asking the same questions over and over and trying to remember that the fog will lift and things will become clearer again. 

Thanks for letting me ramble.

Oh and one possum caught by the dog for good measure!  At least it didn't stink!!

God Bless,
Elaine

A Brighter Perspective/ The Mountains Majesty

Good morning to you all.  What a difference a few days can make in ones life.  None of the problems are gone, but with your support and encouragement, and God's love, I'm doing much better:)

I'm visiting with my son, daughter in law, and gson on the east side of the mountains, but very close to them. (the mountains)  The house they live in looks to the west and directly to the mountains.  I have been watching them since Saturday evening.  I think I can understand now the draw people have to living near mountains.  They are constantly changing.  At times, I can see the peaks, and at other times, very little if any of them is visible.  There are three of them close together (the Three Sisters).  They are not nearly as high as many of the mountains we have, but they are beautiful to see.  They are covered with snow as we have had much more than normal this year.  The light hits them and they sparkle and shine.  Each time I look, there is something much different to see.  Sometimes the light shines on the trees below and it looks as though they are a hundred different colors.  The definitions of the mountains and the area below changes minute by minute. 

I see God's hands working.  The ever changing mountains are like life.  The snow falls, the fires burn, the rains come, the wind blows, the sun shines, and all the while, the mountains stand tall.  Sometimes, the hurt or damage is too great and the mountain shudders with pain and revolt, but still stands.  I'm like that too.  Some days, the pain, fatigue, and fears are too great, and I tremble and shake and maybe even fall.  But God holds me close and lifts me back up.  He supports me and helps me and eases my burdens.

I was having a terrible day when I posted last.  I had fallen and was shaking and trembling.  God has eased my burdens and given me strength.  You my friends have done the same.  Thanks be to God and you all.


Thank you again for listening to me and giving me room to grow. 

Blessings to you all,

Elaine

Seeing Invisible People

I had a very interesting day yesterday.  I had a counseling appointment and I was early.  In the building there is a prayer room.  I had never had time to enter into it before.  As I went in, I felt a peace and a calm within my soul.  I spent about 15 minutes there, reading some of what other people had left behind, looking and praying.  I had a wonderful counseling session afterwards.

I had to get dog food and found I was too tired to drive home.  I went into a local sandwich shop and had a snack.  As I was sitting there, reading the local paper and eating, a man stopped and started a conversation with me.  I was a bit taken aback, but he looked harmless and after all, I was inside a shop with people all around me. 

He started to talk about newspapers and how he had worked for many different ones over the years.  He had written lots of articles, published his church's newsletter, and done many other things associated with newspapers.  It was interesting to talk to him and mostly I listened. 

He began to tell me his story.  He had been the victim of a vicious mugging that left him near death.  He had a profound awakening and decided to live his life for God instead of people.  He had not been a believer before his mugging.  He shared about his experience and his life since.  His wife has cystic fibrosis and had he died, she would have been sent to a nursing home.  He wears a hat due to all the scarring on his head from his many surgeries.  He has limited use of his right hand, but is thankful for every day now here on earth.  He is happy to be caring for his wife, even though he has to walk everywhere as his license was revoked. 

As I listened to his story, I was overcome with joy.  He shared his faith walk, his views, and mostly just wanted to be heard.  He had so much to share and was so open and honest.  And yet, to the casual eye, he "looked normal".  He looked "well".   And God spoke to me through him.  There are so many people who have a bigger story to tell.  We are so busy and involved with our lives, that they often are overlooked.  Those of us with invisible illnesses are often simply ignored by those whose lives are busy and full.  I could have missed a chance to hear his story and share his life.  I could have been afraid and ignored him.  I could have missed his faith story.  I could have missed God.

But because I could relate and identify with him, I didn't.  I heard his cry to be heard and to have someone listen.  He carries a huge burden caring for his wife.  He is isolated much of the time.  But he does it with joy and with love.  He values each day and wants to share as much of Jesus with others as he can.  He might be different, but he is still human and has human needs.  He has value and has purpose.  He is invisible to many, but a  jewel in God's eyes. 

So are we my friends.  We have value.  No matter whether we can get out of bed, off the couch, out of the house, or not, we have value.  We need to remember that.  When we are down and out, we need to remember that we are exactly where we are supposed to be, doing exactly what we are supposed to be doing.  There is a purpose to our lives, even when we can't see it.

As I drove home, rested and renewed, filled with joy and peace, I found my strength returning, my hope surging and my life full.

I got home and greeted my dear husband and dogs. I was tired and found myself totally relaxed.  I took a two hour nap and woke ready to tackle the rest of the day. 

I didn't feel invisible  yesterday.  I felt full.  My heart sang and my soul rejoiced.  Today, those feelings are still with me.  I am here and I will do my best to continue to do whatever I am called to do.

I hope and pray that in the midst of your day, you will find a place of value and purpose.  That you will be filled with joy, hope, and peace.  That your cup would run over and you would have more than you need. 

Blessings to you all today.

Elaine

Just for today

My days seem to be running together.  My husband Rob, is doing very well after his surgery.  He is going to Physical Therapy twice a week and making great progress.  We are so very thankful!

Our days are busy though.  I'm doing all the driving and that wears me out:(  At least most of the time its under 10 miles each way.  There are things that Rob can't do for himself, so I am helping him with those. 

My anxiety is through the roof right now.... I tend to worry about things that I really have no need to.  It is something I work on constantly.

I went to my chiropractor today and that always helps me.  I have a couple of places in my neck that get soooo sore.  I think it comes from not being able to relax well. 

He suggested that I start a Magnesium and Malic Acid regime.  Are any of you taking them and have they helped at all?  Please let me know if you have tried it or have any info on it.  Thanks!

I'm still waiting to get the kit for all the blood work that I need done with the blood coagulation defect tests.  I'm feeling impatient:) 

I'm struggling with the fatigue and pain and resting as much as possible.  I'm very thankful that we did all that cooking in advance.  Even reheating is more than I want to do at times.  Our kids have fed us some and that has been really nice.  Cooking is so hard for me.  I have trouble following recipes... can't remember if I've added all the ingredients... sometimes I actually copy it and cross things off as I work..... 

We were supposed to get snow this week, but its just very cold rain.  The hills are beautiful and it cleared last night so I could see the moon for a bit.  It was so pretty.

Hope in the Midst.  Sometimes I forget that God is in control and that He knows all about all of this.  And then a reminder will come along and assure me that He indeed does know and cares.  And my hope is renewed.  I move ahead and I continue to live this life I have and rejoice in it.  He has given me what I need for today.  My job is to stop looking so far ahead.  I need to concentrate on what today is about.  ( I used to be quite the planner)  Now, I only try to make it today.  Try being the key word here.... I am grateful for this day and the blessings it has given me. 

Hope and pray you are all doing well today.  You are such a blessing to me!

Elaine

The Day After

Well, my dear husband Rob's surgery went very well.  His heart behaved itself and there were no complications.  His pain is being well controlled with his meds and he is trying really hard to be a good patient.

I am already exhausted, but family is helping and that makes such a difference.  I've been pacing as best as possible and resting when I can.

I've been taking to heart all your good suggestions.  I appreciate them all.

I am so thankful to have found you all.  It gives me hope when there seems to be no end to trials.  I have such great respect for you all and I gather strength from you and your words.

God is so great and so faithful.  I had been having the same dream for weeks that when Rob stood up after surgery that he fell, hit his head, and died from the injury.  Crazy huh?  When he stood up the first time yesterday I almost ran from the room.  But of course he did just fine and all was good.....

Our daughter in law is an RN and works at the same hospital where Rob had his surgery in the same dept. where we were.  She was off yesterday though and sat with us.  She brought her little girl (2) who is so intrigued with all things medical and was watching and taking it all in!  Amazing.  (there was nothing inappropriate for her to see of course).  She's been here to help us with questions and problems a couple of times already:)

I am committed to taking this one step at a time and to ask for help when we need it.  I appreciate your prayers and loving thoughts and do ask for them to continue.  We are just getting started here.

Praying that you are all finding hope and peace in the midst of your days.  Praying also that those of you who are in the deep freeze are safe and can keep warm somehow. 

God Bless and Keep You All,

Blessings,

Elaine

New Year's Eve

Good afternoon from my house to yours.  We are cold here, but not like many of you, and have no snow where I live...

I was thinking today of the many things that made Christmas and the rest of the year special to me.  God and His grace and mercy.  He is a very important part of my life.  Family - close and extended.  I am so very blessed to have such a wonderful family.  We of course don't always agree, but its so good to have loved ones who will love each other no matter what. 


I love the birthday parties.  For the little ones as its such a joy to see their faces, and the older ones as its always a good chance to get together and share what is going on in our lives.  I often rest up for several days in preparation:)

The Holidays are another time to celebrate.  I love all the laughter and fun we have together.  I also have time to ponder (I love that word) all the special gifts my loved ones have to offer this world. 

My husband does woodworking and this year he built all the grandsons wooden trucks.  He did a nice job on them.  The boys love them!  I can't wait to see what he has in mind for next year:)

Our sons and daughters and their spouses are wonderful.  They all have gifts they share with the family and the world around them  Music, care giving, sewing, arts and crafts, baking, careers, faith and love.

My oldest grandson loves horses.  He now has two and is in charge of taking care of them.  One of the greatest highlights this year was to take him Christmas shopping for the first time with his own money.  Hubby and I took him and he was so much fun!  He even got his horses gifts from Santa:)  We were exhausted, but it was worth every moment!

I've had lots of time to read to and listen to the grandkids this Christmas break.  One entertains me with video games, two play music , one dances , one I color with, one loves to be read to and snuggled, and one just loves to play.  And of course, it changes from day to day:)

Each person with all their gifts. And all Christians!  That in itself is a gift worth more than all the money in the world!

Our lives are far from perfect however, and I will share more as we travel along this road together.

You might be wondering where I am going with all this?  Well, self worth is something I often struggle with.  I know I am God's child.  I know my husband loves me and our children love me.  There are times though, that I feel so worthless.  Those days when I can hardly lift my head up.  Getting dressed is out of the question.  Sleep is my constant companion.  Sitting up is only done out of necessity.  Talking is not an option.  Resting is all I do.  I even have trouble praying as it takes energy I do not have. The pain wracks my body and I stare at the TV and wonder about this life I've been given and what to do with it.  That is a different place in the midst.  My souls gets lonely and my heart cries out.  My solace is that Jesus is there to hear me and I know HE understands and answers my cries. 

But still I wonder?  What gifts do I have to offer?  What role do I play in our family?  My church?  My community?  Do you ever have days like that? Times when you don't know what might be next?  Prayer is such comfort.  Even those little two or three word prayers that are honest and child like are heard by God Almighty and answered in due time.  

I would love to pray for you.  To join you in searching for the answers.  I know that someday there will be an explanation and a treatment for us that will give us back some or all of what we have been stripped of.  In the mean time, I will continue to rejoice in this life.  This day is a gift and one I plan to enjoy.  I may have to sleep most of it away, but it is still a gift. 

Perhaps together we can help to find the cure and that will be our gift to others:)  Or perhaps we will simply become friends and in that share ourselves as the gift. And maybe our words will become the gift. 

No matter what, I want you to remember you are loved and valued by God and others.  God knows who we are and He will enable us to fulfill our purposes here on earth. 

I want to wish you each a Happy New Year and may your life be filled with joy, hope, peace, love, and blessings in the midst. 

God Bless You All,
Elaine