Friday, December 31, 2010

New Year's Eve

Good afternoon from my house to yours.  We are cold here, but not like many of you, and have no snow where I live...

I was thinking today of the many things that made Christmas and the rest of the year special to me.  God and His grace and mercy.  He is a very important part of my life.  Family - close and extended.  I am so very blessed to have such a wonderful family.  We of course don't always agree, but its so good to have loved ones who will love each other no matter what. 

I love the birthday parties.  For the little ones as its such a joy to see their faces, and the older ones as its always a good chance to get together and share what is going on in our lives.  I often rest up for several days in preparation:)

The Holidays are another time to celebrate.  I love all the laughter and fun we have together.  I also have time to ponder (I love that word) all the special gifts my loved ones have to offer this world. 

My husband does woodworking and this year he built all the grandsons wooden trucks.  He did a nice job on them.  The boys love them!  I can't wait to see what he has in mind for next year:)

Our sons and daughters and their spouses are wonderful.  They all have gifts they share with the family and the world around them  Music, care giving, sewing, arts and crafts, baking, careers, faith and love.

My oldest grandson loves horses.  He now has two and is in charge of taking care of them.  One of the greatest highlights this year was to take him Christmas shopping for the first time with his own money.  Hubby and I took him and he was so much fun!  He even got his horses gifts from Santa:)  We were exhausted, but it was worth every moment!

I've had lots of time to read to and listen to the grandkids this Christmas break.  One entertains me with video games, two play music , one dances , one I color with, one loves to be read to and snuggled, and one just loves to play.  And of course, it changes from day to day:)

Each person with all their gifts. And all Christians!  That in itself is a gift worth more than all the money in the world!

Our lives are far from perfect however, and I will share more as we travel along this road together.

You might be wondering where I am going with all this?  Well, self worth is something I often struggle with.  I know I am God's child.  I know my husband loves me and our children love me.  There are times though, that I feel so worthless.  Those days when I can hardly lift my head up.  Getting dressed is out of the question.  Sleep is my constant companion.  Sitting up is only done out of necessity.  Talking is not an option.  Resting is all I do.  I even have trouble praying as it takes energy I do not have. The pain wracks my body and I stare at the TV and wonder about this life I've been given and what to do with it.  That is a different place in the midst.  My souls gets lonely and my heart cries out.  My solace is that Jesus is there to hear me and I know HE understands and answers my cries. 

But still I wonder?  What gifts do I have to offer?  What role do I play in our family?  My church?  My community?  Do you ever have days like that? Times when you don't know what might be next?  Prayer is such comfort.  Even those little two or three word prayers that are honest and child like are heard by God Almighty and answered in due time.  

I would love to pray for you.  To join you in searching for the answers.  I know that someday there will be an explanation and a treatment for us that will give us back some or all of what we have been stripped of.  In the mean time, I will continue to rejoice in this life.  This day is a gift and one I plan to enjoy.  I may have to sleep most of it away, but it is still a gift. 

Perhaps together we can help to find the cure and that will be our gift to others:)  Or perhaps we will simply become friends and in that share ourselves as the gift. And maybe our words will become the gift. 

No matter what, I want you to remember you are loved and valued by God and others.  God knows who we are and He will enable us to fulfill our purposes here on earth. 

I want to wish you each a Happy New Year and may your life be filled with joy, hope, peace, love, and blessings in the midst. 

God Bless You All,

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

After Christmas musings

Hello and welcome to my blog.  This is my first post and I hope that there will be many more.  I am looking forward to getting to know each and everyone of you.

I have Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue.  I was first diagnosed in 1994 and have had many ups and downs since then.  I am learning (still) to pace myself and to prioritize what I want to do and when.  There are those times when I can't choose however, and the fatigue and pain overwhelm me,  and I just have to rest.

I am still in the process of learning to accept those times that I have to spend "down".  I've had a lot of time to practice.  I do enjoy watching the birds and spending time with family and our dogs. They are great company for me when I'm resting.  I enjoy my computer too and spend a lot of time on it.

Once in a while I have times of almost "normal" feelings and I can drive and shop and clean.  Those have been fleeting this year however and I've found peace and joy in the things that are really important... God, family, nature, and peace.

These days after Christmas are full.  We still have family visiting and the youngest grandson is here.  He is so fun and I've found that laughter is indeed good medicine.  We had a wonderful Christmas and are enjoying each day to the fullest.  The pain and fatigue are catching up with me though, and I'm more tired each day.  I spend much of the day sitting and watching and tucking away memories to hold in my heart when I'm unable to "do" anything but rest.  I'm not expected to wait on anyone so that allows me the energy to just enjoy!

I love it when the grand kids are home from school.  They are all getting so big and have so many interests of their own now. They range in age from 1 to 12. 

I feel I am very blessed.  I have a husband who loves me, a family who loves me, a God who loves me, and a warm and dry home to live in.  I have what I need and much more. 

My body however, is another story.  It has, in many ways, betrayed me.  It won't allow me to do the things I used to do or enjoy things I used to.  But in the midst, I am learning to enjoy new things and to take each day as it comes.  Circumstances change and life throws hard things at us all.  It is indeed what we do with them that counts.  I choose to trust God, do what I can, and let the rest go.

I hope and pray you had a wonderful time wherever you might have been for Christmas and that your journey with illness or hard circumstances will become one of peace and that you will find hope in the midst.