What is it about this time of year that makes me so restless? I am looking forward to spring, but wishing for snow. It's very warm for this time of year and already trees and plants are starting to bud out. I am hoping they don't get their little noses chopped off with a hard freeze later... it was 60 degrees day before yesterday and 55 yesterday. But it was 35 last night.
I wonder if some of the restlessness is coming from memories? My husband, Rob's, dad died a year ago on Valentine's day. We had cared for him for 1 1/2 years. We lived at his house for about a year and then he moved in with us and died here at home. We had wonderful help from Hospice and could never have done it without them. I miss him. And I worry about Rob and his memories. Will they trigger an increase of his bi-polar depression? It's so hard to cope with it. There is so little I can do to help him. He's already nervous about his surgery on the 2nd for a torn rotator cuff.
We are cooking and freezing meals ahead so they stress of preparing food will be less for me. He does most of the cooking, but will be unable to for a while after surgery. We have to make most of our own food from scratch anyway, so its good to have some ahead. We make some really great white chili. We are also making red chili, taco filling, and spaghetti sauce. It all freezes well. We do eat lots of legumes:) We both enjoy them.
I have found that with the increased stress, I'm sleeping less. I am tired, but wake and can't go back to sleep. I'm having more trouble going to sleep also. I am trying very hard to pace myself and rest often. The underlying anxiety is still there though... I'm crabby and have a hard time being kind. Ergggg... And I seem to be continually searching, seeking, looking for something that I can't seem to put my hands on.
So, I go back. Back to where I know I'm safe and loved. Back to Jesus who loves me and helps me. I hold onto Him and in turn, He holds onto me. It's a wonderful place to be. Safe in the arms of Jesus.
He has led me to you all and what a blessing that is! Thank you for sharing your lives with others and in doing so, blessing so many. I gain strength, knowledge, and hope from your words.
Blessings to you all,